A Father is all about Being There. Unlike my biological father who ran away like a coward to surf the waves in Hawaii. He said "good-bye" to me before I was even born, and I promise, he will never say "hello."
I consider myself one of the MOST luckiest girls in the world because it was by CHANCE that I was blessed with the most AMAZING father.
I am not one to brag but considering my fate when born, unwanted, with a foster mother, it is quite remarkable that I was CHOSEN and because of this event, my life was forever changed.
Happy Father's Day to all of you Dad's out there. But who are you really??? You call yourself a DAD, a FATHER, a POP. But tell me, please, do you deserve this title? Being a Dad is a GIFT.
Who i am, a mere Mother?? I am by far, the PERFECT example, but I try hard. I only ask you to do the same.
But what if you have only THE BEST to compare yourself too??
I get it. Yes, a Father who gives endlessly, who never complains, who only wants to help, who is there for EVERYTHING!
My husband said he simply cannot do it. He will NEVER, EVER be my Dad.
He is on a pedal stool. But you only have to meet him once to understand how UNIQUE he is. People remember him for his kindness, the ability to carve out time to simply ask "how are you?" TO REMEMBER YOUR NAME. To give, to unconditionally love, to PROTECT your family, even if that means withholding information to protect YOUR feelings.
OK. Yes, I wanted to order him a white and shining armour suit for Father's Day. It is really the only appropriate gift.
My Father came into my life at 2 months of age. Get comfortable, sit down. I have life lessons that I want to share...
He scooped me up and never looked back. He accepted me for who I am. He never excluded me even when my two sisters were born. In his eyes, we were always ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY of FIVE.
He even said I had "Grandpa Pope's eyes." Silly Dad, I am not from THERE. I am part Dutch and Spanish and my last name was supposed to be Sanchez. But how quickly you forgot all that and you just ACCEPTED me into your family.
Did I mention how BLESSED I AM???
My dad has taught me so much about LIFE. A huge part of who I am today is because of him.
There is an old age argument about nature vs. nurture. I am living proof of nurture. Because of my Dad I am able to live life in a very unique way. I am giving, accepting of other's faults, careful to pass judgement, supplying kindness to those who I encounter. This was not innate. This came from a role model who has always beeen there...my Dad.
Endless examples of his unselfishness, his willingness to give, his quench to make this world a better place without him even knowing it. If I am able to do this, then I will consider myself a success.
Lesson One: You begin with the person you are speaking to. Be there entirely. Hang on to every word. Never look bored. Consider them the most important person in the world.
Lesson Two: It is NEVER about You. The minute you think about how this will benefit "me" is when you have lost everything.
Lesson Three: Pick your battles carefully. In my short lifetime, I could have consulted many lawyers but because of my father's advice, I have been given insight and an understanding on what you must devote your energy towards. If you fight every battle, then you have lost the energy to fight for the most important things in your life.
Lesson Four: Everyone is EQUAL. Be Geniune. My dad always knows everyone's name. He always asks about you and family members. He remembers the important things. He is not trying to impress you. It is because he truly cares.
Lesson Five: Be Grateful. Growing up in a miltary family, we never lived in the biggest house or had the fanciest car but I never knew the difference. If I expressed an interest in gymnastics or diving or modeling, my dad would find a way to make it work. On the flip side, I would always know to consider each lesson "a gift."
Lesson Six: Be Involved. I still giggle about the mustache/motorcycle boy that I dated for a brief time in high school. My dad nearly had a heart attack. He always met EVERY one of my friends and whoever I was dating. He wanted last names, phone numbers and a time when I would be home. This is why I am still here today.
Lesson Seven: Be Happy. Whatever life throws your way do not take it out on others. Be appreciative of what you do have and call it a day. Ugliness settles in the moment you decide your life is not enough to satisfy all that you want.
Lesson Eight: Never Give up. Strive to be appeciative while being productive. My Dad always encouraged me to live out my dreams. He believed in me and my sisters. He made sure we had college funds. He listened, even after my accident. The world shut the door on me and told me to forget about college, to go home, and that I'd never go to grad school. Because my Dad believed in me, I overcame amazing obstacles and earned a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and Creative Writing and a Master's Degree in Social Work.
Lesson Nine: Your friends are a part of who you are. My dad always jokes with me that I have a hundred Best Friends. The irony is that I learned from him that cultivating friendships is immensly important. Each friend that I meet in this journey called "life" brings new meaning to my world. I make huge efforts to stay in touch because I believe each friendship makes up a part of who I am and I am better person for knowing you.
Lesson Ten: The Most Important one of all...LOVE Unconditionally. Do I need to say More? My Dad did this from the beginning and continues to do this today. With his unconditional love, I have learned that, yes, we are human, and that yes, we can mess up but if you love me through the mess, I will ultimately be a better person. This is because I have learned from my mistakes and realize I can only rise up, from unconditional love, instead of passing judgement, which is only a guarantee of falling down.
If I was not adopted, who knows who I would be, where I'd be, or what I would be doing with my life. I am ever so thankful for my life circumstance, a moment of chance, that ultimately changed my fate and my very being. I have been wrapped in unconditional love since two months of age and only want to give back to the world what my Dad shared with me.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Stay Calm and Carry On
"Stay Calm and Carry On" is one of my favorite life mantra's. Tonight was one of those evenings were I had to reflect and realize I MUST REMAIN CALM. I knew what needed to be done and had to diligentaly go about the task, when all I wanted to do was freak out. It was one of those moments when you dream your worst nightmare and then wake up, only to remember it was reality, the day before. I know this is what will be happening to me when the sun rises.
This will have to remain a mystery post for awhile. I cannot disclose the actual event, until, maybe, a year from now, when it is only a distant memory. It all had to do with a letter I received and enclosed was the kind of news that makes you think there is no way this is happening.
I immediately had to begin planning my course of action, getting the entire family involved. Later at 11pm, I joked with everyone, that a family that goes through this together, stays together! Our evening was dreadful but somehow we all managed to stay positive and not allow this sidetrack event in our lives ruin a moment of happiness.
I am exhausted. Emotionally spent. Too tired to move from this computer to go to bed. Truth be told, I have about a hundred loads of laundry to do and may stay up all night just to finish it. Too Much To Deal With tonight but that bowl of New York Super Fudge Chunk sure did the right thing! My husband asked me twice as I was scooping the ice cream into the bowl, "you do know it is 12:30am???" I knew it would help me stay calm and remain focused so I really didn't care what the heck the clock said.
I reflect back and I might have got a little upset, somewhat impatient, maybe once, okay, maybe twice? I certaintly had a lot of questioning going on, wondering out loud sometimes, "why? why? why?" does it seem like life likes to kick you in the teeth, when you have already received one too many TKO's already?
Stand up again. Don't whine. Don't complain. You must "Stay Calm and Carry On." I try to be a positive influence on my kids when the tough gets going. I never want them to feel like they are the victim. I want to empower them through my example and let them know that they have a choice on how they approach problems that are presented to them. My philosphy in life is that all of your doors are never shut. There is a solution if you don't give up. Researchers say positive people are the "lucky ones" because of this approach in life.
Tonight I would not have considered myself "lucky" with the situation I was in but I realized things could be much worse and many blessings were spinning around in my mind. Tonight I knew I needed to write. It gives me peace and a chance to reflect on what is truly important so I don't fall flat on my face in this race called "life."
When you wake up, remember to "Stay Calm and Carry On" no matter what is brought your way. You may surprise yourself what this simple attitude can do when the world seems a little less than cheery. The dirty little secret is that this attitude is also contagious! May you have a calm and peaceful day!
This will have to remain a mystery post for awhile. I cannot disclose the actual event, until, maybe, a year from now, when it is only a distant memory. It all had to do with a letter I received and enclosed was the kind of news that makes you think there is no way this is happening.
I immediately had to begin planning my course of action, getting the entire family involved. Later at 11pm, I joked with everyone, that a family that goes through this together, stays together! Our evening was dreadful but somehow we all managed to stay positive and not allow this sidetrack event in our lives ruin a moment of happiness.
I am exhausted. Emotionally spent. Too tired to move from this computer to go to bed. Truth be told, I have about a hundred loads of laundry to do and may stay up all night just to finish it. Too Much To Deal With tonight but that bowl of New York Super Fudge Chunk sure did the right thing! My husband asked me twice as I was scooping the ice cream into the bowl, "you do know it is 12:30am???" I knew it would help me stay calm and remain focused so I really didn't care what the heck the clock said.
I reflect back and I might have got a little upset, somewhat impatient, maybe once, okay, maybe twice? I certaintly had a lot of questioning going on, wondering out loud sometimes, "why? why? why?" does it seem like life likes to kick you in the teeth, when you have already received one too many TKO's already?
Stand up again. Don't whine. Don't complain. You must "Stay Calm and Carry On." I try to be a positive influence on my kids when the tough gets going. I never want them to feel like they are the victim. I want to empower them through my example and let them know that they have a choice on how they approach problems that are presented to them. My philosphy in life is that all of your doors are never shut. There is a solution if you don't give up. Researchers say positive people are the "lucky ones" because of this approach in life.
Tonight I would not have considered myself "lucky" with the situation I was in but I realized things could be much worse and many blessings were spinning around in my mind. Tonight I knew I needed to write. It gives me peace and a chance to reflect on what is truly important so I don't fall flat on my face in this race called "life."
When you wake up, remember to "Stay Calm and Carry On" no matter what is brought your way. You may surprise yourself what this simple attitude can do when the world seems a little less than cheery. The dirty little secret is that this attitude is also contagious! May you have a calm and peaceful day!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Running with Reckless Abandon
My blog posts are sparse. I wish they were more frequent, as I am inspired by so many occurances throughout my day. I wanted to sleep tonight. My mind, however, will not rest. And here I find myself, once again, writing during the midnight hour.
Today was one of those punch you in the stomach, remind you how beautiful life is, wake up and appreciate every moment because simply said, you don't know when it is going to disappear.
I think I personally went through a whole box of tissues at the memorial service. I believe I allowed myself to ride in the fast lane and never properly mourned until I heard all those amazing words describing how truly remarkable this person was in his own quiet, genuine, peaceful way. One of our friends from the inner circle, wrote an incredible eugolgy and spoke at the memorial service. Scott described Dave as someone he admired, in every aspect of his life, from fatherhood to friendship. Dave was the type of person who made it effortless to make a connection with him. Dave was not pretentious and lived an authentic life. He was the kind of person you would meet once and would never forget. This was evidenced by the standing room only crowd at the memorial service today.
Dave was one of my husband's best friends who was his roommate at VA Tech. I lost my best friend two years ago. Shelly and I were instant BFF's when we were the new kids at the junior high in Montgomery, AL. Both Shelly and Dave were in our wedding and we remained close to them and their families. I'm still in disbelief that they are both gone. With their deaths, I feel like a part of both of us has died too.
Although it was a day spent mourning an outstanding individual, this blog post is not about sadness. It is about an awareness of how the universe works in mysterious ways. Another friend and I were talking about why is it, that the good die young? I was explaining how this is the fourth really good friend to pass away in the last two years. I explained how these friends never once complained about their situation, or about how unfair life was, and until the very end, they were still concerned for others. And now they are angels dancing in Heaven.
I know Dave's parents through a support group that I used to run and to see them today, at the memorial service was surreal. I realized we now shared a sacred bond. We both had to say goodbye to our son's who left this world too early. They had the gift of loving Dave for forty three years. I only imagined a life with our son who we lost 27 weeks in utero. Pale comparisons I know, but we both have experienced the pain of losing a child. It is not supposed to be this way. Nothing can prepare you for the heartache.
Two girls left behind without a Mommy, when Shelly passed away and this week, history repeated itself with two girls left behind without a Daddy. I wanted to scoop them up and tell them it will be okay but inside my heart, I know their journey ahead is going to be painful.
I am the master of grief. For ten years, I helped families process their worst nightmare. At the memorial service today, watching all of those people grieve and let go of their tears was difficult. I wanted to offer a tissue to everyone of them and give them a gentle hug. Sometimes I wish my heart didn't feel so damn much. Sometimes the emotional stimuli can be overwhelming but there is something inside of me that pulls me towards the grieving.
When I hugged Dave's widow, who is also my very close friend, I didn't say a word. I wanted to absorb her pain. I wanted her to know, without saying a word, I was her rock and she can lean on me anytime.
Hours passed at the gathering afterwards, remincing our dear friend and the fond memories and how we would never forget how Dave made us all a better person. I was emotionally drained. My mascara was washed away from my endless tears. As we said goodbye, I thought about crawling into bed and just letting my tears drift me into a state of slumber. So many memories today of not just Dave but of my other friends who are no longer here to share our lives together. How does one process SO MUCH GRIEF????
Instead of therapy, I run with reckless abandon. However, I cannot endorse this for others.
It was just before 8:00pm when I finally got out the door. I was wearing dark clothes with no reflectors. I had every intention of a "short run" because my husband was concerned about the "boogie men" lurking in the bushes. I was listening to my music at full blast, my thoughts drifted and somehow I forgot to turn around at mile 2. I kept on running and running. It was my escape from the ugliness.
The moonlight guided my path. I was energized. I swear I think the moonlight makes me run faster. I thought about my Why Marathon Ambassador teammates and how amazingly fast they are without a worry in the world, I thought about my premature son who won his age group after running his first ever 5K with sub 8 minute miles, I thought about my friend who trained endlessly to finish her first Half IronMan, I thought about my new running partner and how she told me to increase my stride by trying to put only one foot in each sidewalk square. And I thought about how cancer really, really sucks and I wanted to punch it right back in the gut. So that is what I did as I ran in the dark, past the bushes with the supposedly "boogie men," getting lost in my music, and running as fast as I could. I didn't care if I got injured. I didn't care that it wasn't a race. I didn't care that is was not the twilight run I had imagined but instead, it was darkness and a moonlight path. I was making a point to myself to LIVE in that very moment and to push my limitations.
While running back home, I came up with the title of this blog post but today was so much more than about my run. Today was bigger than life. It was the universe speaking to all of us at that memorial service, telling us to focus on the positive, and to take away the goodness we learned from Dave and spread it out into the world so he can live on. We must live our lives with reckless abandon, to not be afraid to try new experiences, we must chase after our dreams because if we don't, a little piece of us dies while we are supposed to be living and appreciating and soaking in all the wonderment there is to discover Every Single Day. Just like you did Dave. May you soar like an eagle in Heaven.
~ Rest in peace, Dave Tobias.~
Today was one of those punch you in the stomach, remind you how beautiful life is, wake up and appreciate every moment because simply said, you don't know when it is going to disappear.
I think I personally went through a whole box of tissues at the memorial service. I believe I allowed myself to ride in the fast lane and never properly mourned until I heard all those amazing words describing how truly remarkable this person was in his own quiet, genuine, peaceful way. One of our friends from the inner circle, wrote an incredible eugolgy and spoke at the memorial service. Scott described Dave as someone he admired, in every aspect of his life, from fatherhood to friendship. Dave was the type of person who made it effortless to make a connection with him. Dave was not pretentious and lived an authentic life. He was the kind of person you would meet once and would never forget. This was evidenced by the standing room only crowd at the memorial service today.
Dave was one of my husband's best friends who was his roommate at VA Tech. I lost my best friend two years ago. Shelly and I were instant BFF's when we were the new kids at the junior high in Montgomery, AL. Both Shelly and Dave were in our wedding and we remained close to them and their families. I'm still in disbelief that they are both gone. With their deaths, I feel like a part of both of us has died too.
Although it was a day spent mourning an outstanding individual, this blog post is not about sadness. It is about an awareness of how the universe works in mysterious ways. Another friend and I were talking about why is it, that the good die young? I was explaining how this is the fourth really good friend to pass away in the last two years. I explained how these friends never once complained about their situation, or about how unfair life was, and until the very end, they were still concerned for others. And now they are angels dancing in Heaven.
I know Dave's parents through a support group that I used to run and to see them today, at the memorial service was surreal. I realized we now shared a sacred bond. We both had to say goodbye to our son's who left this world too early. They had the gift of loving Dave for forty three years. I only imagined a life with our son who we lost 27 weeks in utero. Pale comparisons I know, but we both have experienced the pain of losing a child. It is not supposed to be this way. Nothing can prepare you for the heartache.
Two girls left behind without a Mommy, when Shelly passed away and this week, history repeated itself with two girls left behind without a Daddy. I wanted to scoop them up and tell them it will be okay but inside my heart, I know their journey ahead is going to be painful.
I am the master of grief. For ten years, I helped families process their worst nightmare. At the memorial service today, watching all of those people grieve and let go of their tears was difficult. I wanted to offer a tissue to everyone of them and give them a gentle hug. Sometimes I wish my heart didn't feel so damn much. Sometimes the emotional stimuli can be overwhelming but there is something inside of me that pulls me towards the grieving.
When I hugged Dave's widow, who is also my very close friend, I didn't say a word. I wanted to absorb her pain. I wanted her to know, without saying a word, I was her rock and she can lean on me anytime.
Hours passed at the gathering afterwards, remincing our dear friend and the fond memories and how we would never forget how Dave made us all a better person. I was emotionally drained. My mascara was washed away from my endless tears. As we said goodbye, I thought about crawling into bed and just letting my tears drift me into a state of slumber. So many memories today of not just Dave but of my other friends who are no longer here to share our lives together. How does one process SO MUCH GRIEF????
Instead of therapy, I run with reckless abandon. However, I cannot endorse this for others.
It was just before 8:00pm when I finally got out the door. I was wearing dark clothes with no reflectors. I had every intention of a "short run" because my husband was concerned about the "boogie men" lurking in the bushes. I was listening to my music at full blast, my thoughts drifted and somehow I forgot to turn around at mile 2. I kept on running and running. It was my escape from the ugliness.
The moonlight guided my path. I was energized. I swear I think the moonlight makes me run faster. I thought about my Why Marathon Ambassador teammates and how amazingly fast they are without a worry in the world, I thought about my premature son who won his age group after running his first ever 5K with sub 8 minute miles, I thought about my friend who trained endlessly to finish her first Half IronMan, I thought about my new running partner and how she told me to increase my stride by trying to put only one foot in each sidewalk square. And I thought about how cancer really, really sucks and I wanted to punch it right back in the gut. So that is what I did as I ran in the dark, past the bushes with the supposedly "boogie men," getting lost in my music, and running as fast as I could. I didn't care if I got injured. I didn't care that it wasn't a race. I didn't care that is was not the twilight run I had imagined but instead, it was darkness and a moonlight path. I was making a point to myself to LIVE in that very moment and to push my limitations.
While running back home, I came up with the title of this blog post but today was so much more than about my run. Today was bigger than life. It was the universe speaking to all of us at that memorial service, telling us to focus on the positive, and to take away the goodness we learned from Dave and spread it out into the world so he can live on. We must live our lives with reckless abandon, to not be afraid to try new experiences, we must chase after our dreams because if we don't, a little piece of us dies while we are supposed to be living and appreciating and soaking in all the wonderment there is to discover Every Single Day. Just like you did Dave. May you soar like an eagle in Heaven.
~ Rest in peace, Dave Tobias.~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)