We all must make choices in life and some are very clear. Others are like a blurred photo. Our journey in life is carved through the choices we make. I have been soul searching and asking many questions of how I want to move forward? What does my future look like? I wasn't planning on doing this analyzing until a curveball was thrown at me. But isn't this how life always happens?
As time has passed, I have grown wiser, more confident, more assured. I'm not so sure sometimes if this is a good thing?? I believe in justice and fairness and making the world a better place. It is hard work to fight for your beliefs 24/7. Every ounce of energy has been depleted except for the creative energy stirring in me to pour my thoughts into a blog post.
And I had another blog post already stirring but here it goes already.
I have always been in tune with trying to fix what is broken, to turn a wrong into a right, to help someone in need. I guess this is why I became a social worker. And I am a darn good one too (so I've been told). I have an uncanny ability to be empathetic and try to understand what someone is feeling. I am usually spot on. My work as a grief counselor was immensely rewarding but also emotionally exhausting.
Fast forward, now I am a fundraiser. And I have been able to motivate others to raise a few hundred thousand dollars, as well as, raising over $20,000 on my own.
I feel like life is an open canvas and there is so much to explore. The one feeling I despise is feeling like a caged bird.
Life has a funny way of plopping down forks in the road when you weren't in the mindset to handle a major life decision. However, I am a woman of Faith and strongly believe, all those forks are put there for a reason.
The difficult part is figuring out what the reason is.
Tonight, when I stepped outside into the darkness, I prayed for
discernment:
The act or process of exhibiting keen insight and good judgment.
I usually know the answer right away and it is 99% the right one. My husband jokes that I always know the right thing to order on the menu. But the menu tonight is only two choices with two entirely different paths.
One that will give me the freedom and flexibility to volunteer, attend school events, get the kids off the bus, pursue a business idea, buckle down with my writing, and to RUN. I want to get Boston someday, somehow, someway, and I need to train like a mother runner!
Another path is in a completely different direction. It will require hard work, patience, long hours away from my family but I will be making a difference. I will have to learn how to use peapod, and dig out the crockpot, do laundry at midnight - oh wait! I already do that! - be disciplined and wake up at the crack of dawn to run, which I'm only known to do on race day! And I will not be guaranteed that I can attend my children's special events that happen once in a lifetime.
I am fortunate and blessed to be able to have a choice and a husband who supports me with either path I choose.
So tonight I pray that when I wake up, the answer will be clear. I know either way I'll be okay. It is a big, wide, wonderful world and when we fall down, we must get up again and keep moving forward.
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