A blank page. Many times I opened up this screen and knew the words I wanted to write, the message I wanted to convey but ended up running away. The blank page remained. The last couple of months were a struggle. I had to take some time off to just absorb my feelings of grief. Shadow, our puppy we adopted from Lab Rescue in January, is no longer with us. The whole story is heartbreaking and if I begin to share the details, I will have to attend my Body and Soul strength training class in the morning with puffy eyes. We are all still healing from the aftershock of having to say goodbye to Shadow. Way. Too. Soon. One of life's curveballs thrown at you. However, this curveball knocked me to the ground.
I have also been recoving S-L-O-W-L-Y from tendinitis in my foot caused by my running craziness last Fall. Needless to say, it has been frusterating to want to run the distance and then only be stopped mid run and have to walk home in pain. I am learning to let go of some of my stubborness and actually listen to my physical therapist. I'm taking each run, one day at a time and have come to accept that running 3 miles at a time is OK. My heart sings "KEEP GOING" but my pain would slow me down. Each day I am getting stronger with the pain slowly diminishing. I wish I could say the pain has completely disappeared. I am a predicting a cortisone shot in my future if I want to continue running L-O-N-G distances, like 26.2 miles and higher.
For awhile, I didn't feel like I was runner and instead, I was a swimmer, surrounded by murky water. I haven't been my usual optimistic self. I even became skeptical for a few days but realized it took more energy to approach life with a "the glass is half empty" rather than "half full" attitude.
I had to stay quiet. It was important that I was mindful to my emotional and physical pain. This explains the silence on my blog. I don't like spilling negativity into the world so I had to slow down and stop myself from communicating the difficult stuff I was going through. To be honest, I should have been an actress because I don't think anyone noticed what a struggle it was to just change out of my pajama's everyday.
All that silence was helpful with my healing. I still miss him, my "Shadow" >>> that dog really did follow me EVERYWHERE! My husband called me the "Dog Whisperer" because those nights when he struggled to breathe, I'd lie next to him and pet him gently and tell him I was there to help him and he would begin to calm down and his breathing would slow down just enough that he would close his eyes and try to rest. Shadow's struggles far outweighed mine.
We have a new puppy now and his name is "Lucky" bacause we adopted him on St. Patrick's Day. He has brought so much healing to all of us. I will definitely share the whole wonderful story in a follow up post.
My last few runs have allowed me to reach a place where I am not focused on the pain. I have made the realization I need to stop being AFRAID and just RUN. It feels good to be back out there, to be free, allowing my body to become a strong runner again. I have been given clearance by my physical therapist to run my favorite upcoming race. On Sunday, I will be running the Cherry Blossom Ten Miler, aka, my comeback race! I can hardly wait to cross the Finish Line, running Free, running Fearless, running FAST!
It appears that I have crossed one finish line tonight...A brand new blog post. No pictures. No expectations. No quotes. Just simple words, written on a blank page, being typed at lightning speed. May you also run fast today and embrace each moment! Together, we will run this race called LIFE, slowing down to soak in the sadness, in order to give us the strength, to shine again.
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